so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
