If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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