i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
