glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
