I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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