i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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