She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
