I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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