would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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