I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
