you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
