Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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