I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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