I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
