i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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