in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
