I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
the liver wants what the liver wants
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
