I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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