Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
