If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
