just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
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Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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