Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
