Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
