He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
