i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
