Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
