Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
