she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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