Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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