yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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