yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
