There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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