You're my little dorito
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
