If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's never too late to be topless.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
