Someone shit on the floor
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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