...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
