It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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