i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
