There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
