I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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