You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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