My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
