My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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