I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
