WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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