This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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