You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
