Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
