Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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