I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
