she smelled like a LAN party
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
