All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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