Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
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Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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