He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
