70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
