I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
