my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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