Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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