Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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