did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
