I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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