So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
