I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
