Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The ass gains better be worth it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
