this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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