You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
