A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
