I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
