your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
