So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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