my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You ruined the universe
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
