So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize