someone threw a dead crab at me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is it because I queefed?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
