in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
