It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
