I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
