My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
