there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
