PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
