the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
