I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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